Lena’s birth - cam’s birth story

As with all births, the birth itself is only half the story. The lead up to this point is just as important and part of the journey than simply the birth itself. Due to a less than desired experience with Austin’s birth (covid/lengthy pregnancy and lots of stress at the end leading to induction at 42 weeks) we wanted to enter this birth experience in a vastly different way.

With Austin’s birth Tom and I ‘went it alone’ without support, multiple different midwives and even I had to go it alone with all of my later stage midwife and induction/monitoring appointments due to covid. We wanted to have continuity of care this time and someone in our corner, in stepped @birth_boss Ellie. We contacted her very early in our pregnancy which allowed us to make the choice of having a doula financially viable. I feel very lucky that we found Ellie, her vibe and support has been just what we needed.

We had three birth preparation sessions with her, and several message streams and phone calls before the big day. What these really allowed us to explore were - what happened last time that we did and didn’t like and what our birth preferences would be this time. Last time we definitely only had the ‘plan A’ birth plan which got thrown out the moment we entered the hospital for induction. This time round we had a birth map with multiple varied scenarios mapped out with clear ‘must-haves’ like the golden hour. It hugely affected me when re-read Austin’s birth notes to realise we’d been separated for 1.5hrs immediately after birth as he’d needed resuscitation. I wanted more than anything, unless medically necessary, to have an uninterrupted golden hour - regardless of birth type, home/birth centre/induction/section.

Having all this mapped out, and code words such as ‘all units IRENE’ 🙄🫡 for Tom, I believe has been the invaluable to what happened next. It gave us both the confidence, knowledge and assurance in birth possibilities.

Until the end of my second trimester we were booked for birth at Mendip Birth Centre the MLU due to fears over needing resuscitation as we had previously needed with Austin. Then some conversations and pondering ‘what if’ allowed us to explore whether home birth would be possible. This had always been the dream with Austin however due to COVID it wasn’t possible. I had the urge to try home birth as I knew this would be my last chance at birth.

At our next appointment we notified the midwife or our new intentions and she happily obliged in changing our birth location. Our reasoning was always that if we booked home birth, but if/when either of us felt uncomfortable we could defer to hospital.

However from that point on, at each appointment, our midwife began to mention how they’re understaffed and how my bump was measuring above average and she’d have to keep an eye on things. This understandably began to freak me out slightly, no one wants to push a bigger than needed watermelon out of their vagina. Again enter super-Ellie and her insights - the main two being;
⁃ Heavier babies have the help of gravity and tend to come out more easily
⁃ The only way to measure a baby’s weight is to weigh it once born (using a tape measure over the bump and scans are notoriously inaccurate)

We stayed the course and I tried all I could to focus on what I could control (my own physical and mental health). I began avoiding people who negatively commented on my body or had strong opinions on birth that differed from my own. We told almost no one our intention to birth at home, nor our estimated due date.

Perfect takes time in my family and we have a tendency to have late babies. I was 15 days late and my mum held much glee in stating ‘KARMA’ 😝

As the due date came and went I took maternity leave to slow down and enjoy time with Austin, something I regretted not taking last time so I thoroughly slowed down. We went on buses, to the Aquarium, allotment, Windmill Hill City Farm, Skyboat, Airhop, Wild Place and Concorde Museum amongst play dates and hanging out with family. The buses were obviously the thing he enjoyed the most 🙄. I thank that little man endlessly for all the oxytocin over those weeks.

The due date came and went; I listened and sang a lot to my labour playlist, and began to assume that again little Lena would be 42+ weeks overdue. I felt little to no twinges or false starts and began to alternate between anxiety, stubbornness and frustration at the impending discussions with midwives over sweeps, inductions and intervention.

I had four sweeps with Austin, which did nothing. On our 39 week appointment it was easy to refuse as I felt they’d done nothing last time. There were then some mix ups with the midwives and an ‘urgent’ missed call and voicemail at 6pm at term asking me to come in the next day for an appointment. After several more missed calls first thing the next day, a conversation and several messages ‘needing’ me to come in for a face to face appointment my stubbornness was at a peak. I knew they wanted to see me face to face to offer a sweep which I’d refuse. The only time they offered me was dinner/bed time for Austin and was super inconvenient. Again Ellie was perfect here and helped us not feel bullied and stand by our decisions and choices. Later that same morning an apologetic message came from the midwives saying that I could come to my next appointment as normal on Tuesday 31st in 3 days time. Turns out it wasn’t so urgent after all 😏

Going through this and standing by our guns I think really helped my confidence in both myself and my support team of Tom and Ellie. We had a great weekend pottering about at the allotment, seeing family and had a big family BBQ.

Monday morning swung around, Austin went off to nursery and I spent the morning having a bath, some food prep and generally tidying up the house. I also spent about 20 minutes doing some mobility workouts to help optimal baby positioning for birth. We went about the day as normal, had a family meal together then put the boy down for bed. I even then managed to snag a decent foot and leg massage from Tom whilst we were watching TV in the evening. I felt utterly normal going to bed that evening.

And so it begun….

I woke up at 115am on the morning of the 31st with some period like cramping that I couldn’t contemplate actual being the start of labour. I chose to ignore these feelings and read my kindle for around about an hour at which point it was evident that they could be surges and that they were arriving every 10-15 minutes.

At the end of that hour I was irritable in bed with Tom snoring so I went to the living room to read further and see if a change of position would stall things. I honestly didn’t quite believe things were happening; I assumed this was some kind of false start that would stop the minute I ‘believed’ labour was beginning. Toward the end of this hour I moved off the sofa and kneeling over the coffee table or the back of the sofa with each surge. Things felt like they were getting more intense and I was having to concentrate so I chose to go and wake Tom up to let him know I thought things were starting.

As Tom woke up I think he asked “what should we do?” to which I said ‘nothing’. I distinctly remember asking him not to do anything in case it was a false start and telling people would stall things by distrusting the hormones. Austin’s labour was almost a day long so I assumed my next labour would be similar.

I lay facing away from Tom on my left for optimal baby positioning cuddling my pregnancy pillow. Laying down seemed to calm the intensity of the surges down again and having Tom nearby with his affirmations and reminders to breathe really helped. I’m not sure how long we lay like this but at some point I turned into face him for cuddles and asked him to grab my phone to use the Freya app to time my surges. It’s an app I downloaded for Austin’s labour but never used, I also assumed we wouldn’t use it this time so hadn’t practiced with it. But at the time felt that having the data from the app would be useful in deciding when would be a good time to get in touch with the midwives. Things definitely felt like they were getting more intense and powerful but still manageable.

I spent time focussing on my breath, keeping my body soft, holding lightly my kindle so as to keep my hands relaxed, using horse lips and letting Tom know when the surges began to ramp up then dissipate so he could keep a log using the Freya app.

At around 245 (I think) I felt like I was probably in labour and asked Tom to text Ellie (not call in case again it stalled things!) and let her know what was happening. At this point I turned again over onto my left side which again felt like it sped things up and surges were getting more intense.

I kept up with the breathing, Tom helped with more affirmations, light touch massage and I would push the heel of my hand into the edge of my bedside table through each surge. I had played with a comb of Ellie’s during one of our birth prep sessions so was aware of a pressure point that helped manage pain. Pushing that point of my hand onto the corner of the table seemed to really help me manage the surges. As did visualising them as waves that would slowly increase, peak then fall away.

Time seemed to slow down and I have no idea really how things were progressing. I’d asked Tom not to tell me any data from the app or how far apart or close the surges were. I assumed they were still around about 10 mins apart but more intense. I began to feel as if a home birth had been a horrible choice and perhaps I couldn’t do it or didn’t want to. I didn’t voice this but I did ask Tom to call the midwives. In retrospect this was probably transition 😅🤣

He left me in bed to tap the app to keep track of the surges as he went about the business of calling the midwives. I found it hard on my own going through things at this point but similarly being on my own helped me remain focussed. Little did I realise at the time, but as Tom was calling all the numbers on the front of the yellow book he couldn’t get through. It was just ringing through and there were no answer phone messages. He even tried calling me as my number was in the front of the book too! After a while trying and coming in to check in with me probably observing that things were getting more intense and then kept trying to call.

I started to feel ‘a bit pushy’ but kept it to myself as honestly I didn’t even register that I was in labour, and definitely not established labour and for sure not at the point of pushing!!

I believe at this point he called Ellie whom heard me moaning through the surges and took on trying to get through to the midwives as she sped over to our house. She also advised Tom to keep giving me comfort measures.

I now told Tom that I felt pushy and needed a wee and that I should really have a towel or something under me to protect the bed. Moving made me instinctually feel the need to lift up my top leg through each surge and have told hold it in place as I began to push. There was nothing I could do not to begin to bear down. I was in this position on the bed for two surges.

Tom then offered me a shower as a comfort measure which I was so grateful for; it felt so intense and I wanted relief from what I thought wasn’t even labour. I agreed right away. Tom turned on the shower then came back to help me move from the bed to the shower. He pivoted me up to seated, I quickly stood up and held onto the bed as I crab walked to the end of the bed.

There was nothing I could do at this point, I told Tom she was coming and shuffled back to where there was a couple towels on the floor. I asked Tom to support her head as she was coming quickly and I wanted to ensure no tearing. He put his hand between my legs and said “urgh! No, no, no, no” taking his hand away in shock. I half lunged and squatted down at which point she was forcefully ejected onto the carpet.

She cried immediately, I was in shock and I think Tom was too. It took us a moment to scoop her up into my arms and I awkwardly sat back onto one heel to rest and Tom grabbed me some towels to keep her warm and got on the phone.

He called 999 and my mum, one phone per ear and two simultaneous conversations. It was 550am and shortly afterwards my mum arrived, then Ellie and the love in the room was indescribable. Those moments I can’t even describe. I felt on top of the world and I couldn’t believe it had happened in such a way that I was capable.

I manoeuvred to lay back on the bed with my daughter in my arms and was cared for by all; Tom in discussions with the emergency services to ensure both Lena and I were safe. Ellie was a calm influence communicating with the midwives, helping us establish breastfeeding and feeding me raisin wheats. Mum was enamoured with Lena and the rock who’s always been there for me, it was really special having her there and being a part of Lena’s journey earthside.

The paramedics did not arrive for 1 hour so we had a full hour cocooned as the five of us and wonderful skin on skin. This was all I dreamed of. The paramedics facilitated Tom cutting the cord and some checks on both of us. Tom then had a cuddle and some skin to skin. After another 30 minutes the midwives arrived. By this point I still had yet to birth the placenta and I was open to having an injection to speed things along. Due to three other home births that evening the injection wasn’t available in the home birth kit so another midwife was called to bring some along. Ellie gently suggested I go to the bathroom for some privacy. I had a wee and passed the placenta easily at that point again being on my own and comfortable.

I snuggled back into bed for final checks on both Lena and I. Miraculously I had a minor graze and no tearing and whilst there has been a light tinge to the waters indicating meconium Lena was monitored, stable and therefore we were able to stay home.

At 7am Ozzy had woken and my mum was looking after him with breakfast and getting him ready for nursery. He managed to go have a look at the ambulance with daddy before heading off for the day. We decided It was best that he meet Lena after his midday nap, after nursery when it was just us home alone without so much commotion. As everyone began to leave I finally managed that shower and settled into a bubble of love and rest for the rest of the morning and early afternoon.

Even though it was completely different to what I expected I can confidently say that this was my dream birth. I feel so lucky and grateful I did the work both physically and mentally for this birth. My birth team was exactly what I needed and let me stay in my labour land without even realising I was there.